Friday, April 22, 2011

How To Hookwink Someone into Touching Your 3rd Nipple...

Oh, let me explain.. I went to see my doctor yesterday for a "suspicious mole" that I found on my abdomen, right at the top of my rib cage, under my right breast (or skin bags, which is the best description for them at this point) I worried about this mole.. for a few days in fact. I knew it had been there my whole life, but recently, it was becoming easily irritated, and looked different.
I have been seeing my doctor for 16 years. She has twins, like myself, and she is one of those doctor's that never makes you feel rushed, and always remember intimate details without having to check her notes. She's genuine, and I just love her. So, when I showed up in her office with  my mole, I  felt completely at ease in her hands. She had me lay back on the table, and had a look at the cause of visit. Immediately, she told me that it wasn't cancerous. Instantly, I felt relieved. For a second anyway.. here's how the rest of the visit went: the dialogue is key..

Dr. L (giggling) "you have to look at this, can you see it?"
Me: (trying to contort myself and see under my boob) "um, yea, what? is it a skin tag or something?"
Dr. L (still giggling) "no, really look at it.. what does it look like"
Me: (getting confused..) "um, really, no idea.."
Dr. L "no, can you see how it's sort of rigid, and shaped like another part of your body?"
Me (finally "getting it") "no shit!"
Dr. L: (straight out howling) "It's a 3rd nipple!!!!!"

Of course it is.
So, this 3rd nipple of mine (which surprisingly my husband did not find sexy at all) is about 2 mm wide, and seriously looks like a mole.. to the naked eye.

So, back to the title of the post.. how do you hoodwink someone into touching your 3rd nipple? I was pretty surprised at how easy it was. First, I showed my friend (let's call her Hillary Peacock) my suspicious mole. I said "isn't that weird?"  she says "yea, what is that?"  I say, "touch it, it's weird" of course she touches it (she's one of my best friends, and I am totally exploiting her trust in me.. I know, it's genius!)  "That IS weird! what is that?" "IT'S MY 3RD NIPPLE!!!"
It was fun.


Anonymous said...

Hahahaha!!! I am LOL, ROTFL, LMAO and all those other annoying acronyms used to describe how seriously funny that was. Oh my. I needed that!

Anonymous said...'re a real laugh riot C!

(your ex-frined...let's call her Hillary Peacock)