Kindergarten for the twins..

Tomorrow morning, my girls are starting kindergarten. I'm not sure how this happened.. It literally seems like yesterday I was bringing both of them home from the hospital, and settling into the insanity of having two babies at once (along with my boys who were 3 and 6 at the time).
I have been waiting for this day for almost as long as they were born.. All four of my children in school. And now that it's here, I'm feeling all sorts of unsettled emotions..joy, sadness, anxiety, disbelief.. How is it that my babies are 5? And that my oldest son is 11! He started junior high last week..and is loving it! Thank goodness that boy adjusts well to change. My youngest son has started 3rd grade, and is loving it also.. My girls, on the other hand, are not loving it so much. There were months when my daughters refused to talk about school. The  mere mention of it would send them over the edge. They are so afraid of  missing me.. They remind me so much of my sister and I, when we were their age. I remember being dropped off at kindergarten, and both of us having to pulled off of my mom's legs, screaming. This was sort of what happened back in June when the girls went in for orientation.. I left the classroom, with both of them screaming for me. I could hear them in the parking lot and felt like a complete failure.. how could I not have prepared them for this? Although the only preparation for it was talking about it, which I tried.. and since enrolling twins in preschool on a teachers budget wasn't a possibility, I felt as though I had totally screwed over my own kids.
I'm over that now though.. (thanks to my wonderful therapist) I know I didn't fail them, in fact it's not a bad thing when your kids are bonded to you, right? like glue, with curly hair..   I am still going to be babysitting for my nephews, who will be 4 next month (hard to believe, I know!) I will have 3 hours, 3 days a week, with no kids in my house! holy shite. I've been in a bit of a panic though.. what now? what do I do with all my children in school? The thought of going back to an office job makes me want to hurl. Really, I would rather have another baby! I still have time to figure that out though.. right now, I'm just going to try to get through the next few weeks with all the changes going on..
Maybe I'll have time to write more on my blog..  I'm going to be sewing more.. I have gotten pretty good at it (if I do say so myself).  I sold a bunch of my bags at a consignment shop in Portsmouth over the summer. My goal for now is to keep busy enough with that, so that I won't have to join the workforce- ever! I will be my own work force!
Wish my girls luck on their first day of school (and their mother too!)