Thursday, September 27, 2012

Love Songs.. or not

My husband called me from work the other morning because he found a mixed cd in his car that someone had burned. Since I occasionally drive his car, he wanted to know if it was mine. I told him it wasn't. I haven't listened to a cd in ages, hello? It's 2012!!  Soon after, I received this email from him:

upon further listening they are all love songs!
Something you want to tell me!

Ha! I would be so flattered if someone made me a mixed cd of love songs! I was a tiny bit flattered that my hubs actually was a little jealous. Contrary to his usual emotion, which is the equivalence of a cardboard box, this was highly unlike him. And I liked it! ;) This was my response: in 2 parts.

part 1
ahaha.. are you serious??
they're in YOUR car! maybe you have a secret admirer??

part 2
btw, I love that you're a little jealous!!
His response, and our last email:

No, I wasn't serious. Have a good day

Back in the cardboard box. That was quick. He later thought that maybe it belonged to the previous owner (he's only had the car a few months..) Maybe? ah der. And I wonder how I stand upright! ;)

Friday, September 21, 2012

more evidence that I'm a natural blond..

I went to the dollar store today to get some new glasses for my kitchen. I spare no expense when it comes to my home, clearly! The last ones I got were from Ikea, and they are nasty! No matter how many times I wash them, by hand or in the dishwasher, they always come out covered in a funky residue.  We have hard water. Hahd watah!  It's gross, and I would like to offer someone a glass of water (from our bubbler, duh), and not be horrified when I do.
So, I grabbed 10 of their best dollar glasses, a new pair of dollar sunglasses (since I had run over my other pair, mowing the lawn last week.) and cruised on over to the checkout, as I was in a hurry. The cashier, who looked about 13 but was most likely in her 30's, and whom did not have one strand of blond hair on her head,  asked me if I wanted to carry my glasses out. I just looked at her, and then said  "Um,  where would I put them?" She said I could put them in my bag.. to which I said "um..I don't think I can fit those in my bag..could you put them into one of those bags?" I asked, pointing to the bagging station in front of her. It was all very bizarre, and we were both awkward, and uncomfortable with the entire transaction. I was happy as hell to get out of there!
It wasn't until I was in my car, and the sun was blaring in my eyes, that I realized I had other glasses in my basket. SUN ones. She had asked me, or had to meant to ask me if I wanted to carry out my sunglasses  (although, the word "sun" never left her lips). Which, BTW, is a very important word in a situation where you are buying actual drinking glasses 10-1 over a pair of sunglasses! It's not that hard. jeesh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Super duper dumb ass.

We do our grocery shopping every Sunday. This is a chore that my husband and I equally despise, and in order to make it fair, we alternate weekly. This Sunday, it was my husbands turn. Normally, when it's his turn, he gets up early, gives me about 2 minutes to get a list ready, and then he's off. I knew he would LOVE the list I made this week, especially when I woke up this morning and realized that Aunt flo had paid me a visit over night.
I've never understood what the big deal is when you ask a guy to buy you tampons, or other feminine products. It's not like the cashier is going to think that you're buying them for yourself. Try being a lady and going to the drug store, with only one reason.  Then try waiting patiently in line with your little box of super tampons (for the super time you're going to have that week) tucked under your arm, only to be waited on by the one cute guy who works there. He knows exactly what you've got going on down there.. it's uncomfortable, and awkward. It's different when you're doing your weekly shopping at the grocery store, and mixed in with all the crap you're buying, is a box of tampons. Oh, and it's also different if you happen to have a penis. No one is going to wonder if your uterus is doing it's monthly house cleaning.
I made my list this morning, here's part of it:
I thought he'd get a kick out it..and I also thought he'd come home with the right stuff.. but do you know what he came home with? Pads..Maxi Pads, as he later put it. When I was unloading the groceries, and asked "what's this?" He said "tampons, super ones" Um, no.. and then he realizes that he's in fact brought me home pads. Super ones. great! I'm sure he won't mind going back and getting me the right ones.. just as sure as I am that monkey are gonna come flying out of my ass!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Oral bullshit.

I brought my girls to the dentist this morning. They handled it like troopers, and naturally wouldn't speak to anyone who spoke to them. They are such charmers that way!
The dentist happens to be a place I dread. Despite my husband having excellent medical benefits, they offer no dental for his family. This sucks, as you can imagine. Having 4 kids, and almost a hundred teeth between them, it can get costly. We go to a facility that offers financial assistance, which we have always taken advantage of. Every year though, they want you to re-fill out all the forms, and when I say ALL the forms, I mean like about 30! I get it, they want to make sure we qualify. But this year, with my best effort put forth, I had missed a few of the forms they needed, and had sent them a few they didn't. This happened to coincide with us refinancing our mortgage, and the copies got mixed up. Essentially, we were denied coverage.  This of course is after all of them had had their cleanings, and xrays and sealants and so on. I had explained the mix up, and once I finally got all the shit taken care of, and every last bit of correct financial information they needed, we were approved. Unfortunately, it wasn't retro active, and now we are stuck with almost a grand to pay back. ugh. The worst part, is that the dentist is affiliated with the hospital I work at, you would have thought they could have cut me some slack..they know what they're paying me! jeesh..
Anyway, the point of this particular post was that I decided today, one thing worst than the dentist themselves, is the hygienist. Those folks know how to lay it on thick..the guilt, the "are you helping them floss?"  "You gotta get those back ones really good, I saw some plaque" Lord have mercy! I mean really, they have no cavities, and my husband and I have been brushing the girls teeth (because we were told to). I've been there before and have heard the hygienist actually argue with a parent about the kid flossing, saying that he couldn't have been doing it, even though she swore he had. It's high stress for me, and I hate it. I sat there quietly playing solitaire on my son's ipod (because my old crusty cracked one finally stopped taking a charge) and only spoke when spoken to, pretty mature don't ya think?  Thank goodness it's only twice a year! And if I plan it right, it's in the summer, and my husband will take them. He's in charge of their teeth, and that is just the way I like it!

My thoughts on Divorce..

I realized that in my last post, I mentioned that my children have never felt the pain of divorce. I started thinking about my own parents divorce when I was 7. It sucked. There is no other way to describe it, just sucky suckage. But as I grew older, I realized that my folks weren't compatible as a couple. There were bright sides to their split. No  more fighting, well, except for all the bickering we couldn't possibly avoid, about child support and visits. It was not amicable. My dad left us for another woman. A woman with 2 young children, whom I loathed, but only because they got my dad, and I didn't.
I believe now, that if they had handled their divorce differently, that I would be different. Not that I want to be, because quite frankly, I'm pretty frickin awesome ;) (you don't really think I believe that do you? some days I do, some days I don't) If I had felt like it wasn't my fault, and if it hadn't been so crushing to my self esteem, I certainly would have made better choices in my life, even though I wouldn't choose my life to be any different. It gave me a thick, impenetrable skin and some quick wit, sarcastic attitude, and a need to be loved..which almost ruined me in my teens.
I have friends who are going through break ups right now. The good thing about these people, is that they are handling it like grown ups. They are thinking about their children, more than themselves. I know that parents did the best they could with what they had. My mom was literally devastated, and my sisters and I became her rock. It was a lot to take on at our young age. I often think back about the Saturday morning that my dad left, and wish I could go back, and tell my  mom that it would be ok, and that contrary to what she was saying, this was NOT what men do. They don't always leave, sometimes they stay, despite insecurities and triggers that I haven't understood until recently. There are better reasons to divorce, than to stay together. Some people are broken. Quite literally, inside and out. The only way to fix that relationship, is to dissolve it. Staying married for the kids sake is bullshit. The turmoil that they will suffer by being raised by two unhappy people is far more damaging than a divorce. That is just my opinion, which happens to be exactly right! ;) I can't help it if I know everything! Just ask my husband, it's his favorite part about me!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


My Saturdays throughout the fall are going to be spent on the soccer field. My daughters are playing for the first time this year. It's really cute to see little kids play, but it's a nice change to watch, and help coach the older kids. There is no yelling at the first graders that they've got a man on, or to get back in position. It's all sprinkled with sugar and lollipops, know what I mean?
I knew my girls would be a bit intimidated by the whole experience. The reason I didn't sign them up last year during Kindergarten, was because I knew they would never have gotten on the field, and would have spent the entire 1.5 hours in my lap. That, and the fact that it started at 8 am. No thanks. My more reserved daughter, got out there and gave it her all. My youngest son was nothing but annoyed because she wasn't running enough.. my other daughter was a force to be reckoned with during their practice. She was all over the field, running her little butt off. However, that all changed when they started their little game with another team. She came running off the field, crying that she wanted to go home, and never wanted to come back.  She was a mess, and would not spill the beans about why she was so upset. She filled me in that night before bed that she was nervous when all the other parents were there to watch. She didn't realize apparently, that we were already watching. She's agreed to go back next week, thank's non refundable you know! ;) And there's no discount for large families..I was a bit surprised by that. School pictures give you a break, why shouldn't school sports.. whatever, it was my choice to have such a big family (well, sort of ;)
I had to leave my daughters game to get to another field for my sons game. I met the head coach when I got there, he knew just who I was as I walked up to him. Must have been the heads up he got from his wife who had added me to Linkedin network! He claims he knew I wasn't a guy when I responded to his email offering to do the communication for the team! Dead giveaway! We passed out jerseys, did some stretching, some drills, and had an informal scrimmage with another team. Man for man, I think my son's team was better.  The other team had some great kids on it, but they also had a couple of kids who thought they were at a dance class because they keep doing these high kicks. Very graceful on the soccer field let me tell you! Until one of the kids got a cleat right between the eyes.. and you know that that kid was MINE! Poor boy, he's got a nice shiner in the shape of someones shoe, thankfully the swelling on the bridge of his nose has gone down. We lost that scrimmage, but my kid was the only one who scored a goal for the team. Cause he's awesome! Well, he is! ;) Two minutes before the game ended, we had another injury, and yup, you guessed it.. My son came limping off the field, fighting back the tears. He got his big toe stepped on. Pretty sure by the color it's changing, that his nail is going to fall off. I'm not sure, but I might have subconsciously agreed to coach so that I will be there with him when the ambulance is eventually called.. ugh..if anyone is going to get hurt, it will be him!

Monday, September 10, 2012


I have said this before, and I will probably say it til I die, or til I move away from my home state (which will never ever happen) but fall is my least favorite season. The crisp air, and the changing leaves only put me in a foul mood. Forever, I've been trying to change my outlook on fall. I'll tell myself how great it will be to wear my favorite jeans, or my most comfy sweaters. Sometimes that works, but not this year. I've been struggling with the fact that all my kids, are now in school full time. I've been waiting for this, forever. Now that it's here, I find myself wondering "now what?" I can only justify staying home until my sisters boys are in school full time as well, and even with their pre school schedule, I still feel a bit of guilt for not being gainfully employed outside of the home. That thought, the thought of having some sort of 9-5 job makes me shudder. I am pretty sure I will die if I have to work in an office somewhere..yup, death is the only outcome of that scenario.
I know this is annoying to my husband, as he is constantly worried about money, and our lack there of. But if he had to put a price tag on my job as a mother, for the past 12 years, it would be a figure that would most likely shock him. Money aside, staying home with my kids has been something that I am hoping will have an impact on their lives, well into adulthood. A stability that one can only understand if you've never lacked it.  I've been lucky to get to be home with them. I've made sacrifices that go unnoticed, and being a mom is a thankless position. No one ever gives you a raise, or even a pat on the back. Not once have I heard, "good job with the kids today" or "don't know what we'd do without you here" But I haven't done it for the praise, and I certainly haven't done it for the pay. I have done it because, 1.) I could, and 2.) because I never had that growing up. I never came home after school to my mom, waiting for me, wondering how my day was.  When I wasn't at my grandmother's, then I was home with my sisters and my asshole brother.  My mom had to work, and she worked a lot. My childhood was far different than the one I am giving my own children. They have not felt the pain of divorce, or the havoc it reeks on your self esteem.  They haven't wondered if we'll be moving again soon, or if they'll see their dad again. They are happy kids, and well adjusted. Sometimes I have to remind them of how good they've got it. When we were camping this summer I sorta kinda lost my shit when the 3 youngest ones were having meltdowns because our computer had died, and they weren't going to be able to watch a movie.  (yes, we really rough it when we go camping!) I finally broke down, and told them that it was hardly the end of the world, and that people have had harder things in life to go through.  I told them that when I was their age, my parents had divorced, we had moved 5 times, and I barely got to see my dad. So, if they thought that the computer dying was the worst thing that could happen, then they had better think again. This outburst of mine had been a long time coming.  I ended it with tears streaming down my face, looking weak and foolish. My 9 year old son didn't say a word, he just stretched out his arms to hug me. It was a sweet gesture, and he hugged me tight. I felt awful after that, using my own childhood as a means to parent them, but then I thought of how important it was that they understood my perspective, and maybe gain some of their own, and really, if I've learned anything about being a parent, it's about taking what you've been given, and give them 10 times more. That's how it is for me anyway.
So, back to fall..and what I'm gonna do about not loathing it so much.. I'm going to become more involved in my community. Coaching my son's soccer team is a start to that. I'm going to promote my bag business more..remember that?   I'm going to suck it up, go back on my prozac (looks like I picked the wrong season to stop taking that!!) And I'm going to keep it in perspective, because that my bitches, is EVERYTHING! xo

Friday, September 07, 2012

I must be insane..

3 of my 4 kids are playing soccer this year. The girls will be on an all girls 1st and 2nd grade team, and my youngest son is on a co-ed 3rd and 4th grade team, which personally, I find a bit strange considering that there is only one girl on his team..but whatev's, it's not like I'm the coach or anything... but I am one of the assistant coaches. wtf, right? This thought has been running through my mind since I reluctantly agreed to help out. I've never coached anything before, and the idea sorta kinda scares me a bit. I'll be helping out on my son's team, and surprisingly, he's pretty excited about it. No doubt because he knows I'm awesome! yea, right.
My husband has already made it clear that he wants no part of it. Which is fine, I really don't need him to be a part of it. I would only like pointers, since he coaches soccer at the school he teaches at. And this, by the way, was the reason he didn't want anything to do with it, because he already does it. Fine.
So, there's a head coach, and two assistants. I happen to be the one assistant with a vagina. Unbenounced to the head coach that I was in fact sporting a va-jay-jay,  he sent me and the other guy an email that started with "Gents". I couldn't correct him. I should have, but I couldn't. I'm waiting til I meet him tomorrow. I don't blame him for assuming I'm a guy, that happens to me all the time. The Navy and the Army were in hot pursuit of me during my senior year in high school, and my name was the reason I didn't get on campus housing in college because they thought I was a guy (apparently, registering late back in the 90's meant ladies first, and since it was clear I was NO was a room in a boarding house, whatev's, I never could have lived with all those girls! yikes!)

I'm looking forward to getting to see my son up close, and be a part of something that I've always loved.. I miss soccer. I used to be really good at it. And I'm gonna be really pissed if I can't play in the parents vs. kids game at the end of the year.. here's a pic or two of me kicking some 8 year old ass last year!