I realized that in my last post, I mentioned that my children have never felt the pain of divorce. I started thinking about my own parents divorce when I was 7. It sucked. There is no other way to describe it, just sucky suckage. But as I grew older, I realized that my folks weren't compatible as a couple. There were bright sides to their split. No more fighting, well, except for all the bickering we couldn't possibly avoid, about child support and visits. It was not amicable. My dad left us for another woman. A woman with 2 young children, whom I loathed, but only because they got my dad, and I didn't.
I believe now, that if they had handled their divorce differently, that I would be different. Not that I want to be, because quite frankly, I'm pretty frickin awesome ;) (you don't really think I believe that do you? some days I do, some days I don't) If I had felt like it wasn't my fault, and if it hadn't been so crushing to my self esteem, I certainly would have made better choices in my life, even though I wouldn't choose my life to be any different. It gave me a thick, impenetrable skin and some quick wit, sarcastic attitude, and a need to be loved..which almost ruined me in my teens.
I have friends who are going through break ups right now. The good thing about these people, is that they are handling it like grown ups. They are thinking about their children, more than themselves. I know that parents did the best they could with what they had. My mom was literally devastated, and my sisters and I became her rock. It was a lot to take on at our young age. I often think back about the Saturday morning that my dad left, and wish I could go back, and tell my mom that it would be ok, and that contrary to what she was saying, this was NOT what men do. They don't always leave, sometimes they stay, despite insecurities and triggers that I haven't understood until recently. There are better reasons to divorce, than to stay together. Some people are broken. Quite literally, inside and out. The only way to fix that relationship, is to dissolve it. Staying married for the kids sake is bullshit. The turmoil that they will suffer by being raised by two unhappy people is far more damaging than a divorce. That is just my opinion, which happens to be exactly right! ;) I can't help it if I know everything! Just ask my husband, it's his favorite part about me!
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2 comments:
You're perfectly fabulous and unique just the way you are. You're doing a lot of good work on that past issue...good for you! Divorce is hard on everyone involved but sometimes very necessary.
in my personal experience (they divorces a year after i was adopted) it wasn't the divorce, but the animosity between the adults that was devastating. they make. yes, they still take every opportunity to put each other down 30+ years after the've been divorces, disparaging remarks about each other in front of us. the saddest part is they've now included the grand kids. i actually had to have a discussion with both of them that my kids, nor I, divorced them. keep your negative comments about each other to yourselves and don't involve my kids.
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