Poop (again..)

I haven't had any good poop stories in a while, and having 4 kids, there's always one floating around (ha ha)..
My oldest son (age 6) has had the hardest time learning to wipe his own ass. I don't know if his dexterity won't allow it, or if he's just afraid to, but finally after months and months, I think he's got it down.. But it was not an easy road for any of us! Let's just say he wasn't sure what to do with the poop if it happened to get on his hands. yea, pretty gross, right? Sure as shit it was! I found little pieces of smeared poop on the wall next to the toilet (mixed in with some toilet paper, nice huh?) We also found some rubbed onto the toilet bowl itself.. very nice! After finding all this shit everywhere, we told him he needed to wash his hands if it got on him, or to call us for help. (btw, he was washing his hands, just not before he had wiped it off where ever he found it convienient) The problem was solved, he washed his hands and no more shit on my walls.. however, a few weeks later, much to the horror of my husband, he found all sorts of poop on our soap dispenser.. the poor boy, he was trying.. by then we were getting concerned with why he seemed to be getting so much poop on his hands.. I can see it happening every so often, but this seemed to be all the time.. Well, I guess along the way while we were teaching to wipe his butt, we weren't clear on how much toilet paper to use. Apparently he thought one little square would suffice.. he might as well have been wiping his ass with his hand anyway! jeez..
Here's a lesson for anyone that is going to be changing a newborn any time soon.. When putting a new diaper on, NEVER aim their little butt toward your head.. newborns have incredibly explosive shits, and you never know when it's coming.. but you can depend on it being frequently! And you can pretty much count on it getting in your face if you're holding it's legs up to get the new diaper on. It's some kind of scientific law.. it will hit you! Most likely in one of your eyes too.. (or was that just me??)
I never thought I would have so many thoughts on poop- of course this was before I had my litter of children. Nowadays, my husband and I have poop conferences "yea, she pooped twice, but the other one hasn't yet.. man, I hope she does, it could be a long night" Or "Was it mustardy, or runny?" or, "don't put her in that, it has shit stains all over the back" or "I hope you washed your hands young man.. Is that chocolate???" Gotta love the poop!!