Farts..

Farts are funny. They just are. And stories about farts are just as amusing as anything I guess.. So here are a few good stories.. about the FAHT!!
When I was in the 4th grade, my class was stretching in gym class. We were down on the floor trying to touch our toes.. and one just ripped right out. Naturally everyone around me heard it, and looked around for the source. I pointed to the fat kid in front of me, Billy Purdy, and blamed it on him. They bought it.. poor Billy.. but the karma of that story comes back, don't worry!
When I was 16 and dating my first boyfriend, we were horsing around on the couch, kind of wrestling I guess. All of sudden I heard this huge rip, and I swore that my dressed had just been torn. I jumped up and tried to find the rip.. I could have looked all night for that rip, because of course there wasn't one. Soon enough the smell kind of waft up.. I ignored it, horrified. I wasn't sure at the moment if it was him or me. Of course I now know it must have been him. He didn't say anything either about the lingering odor!
Later with that same boyfriend, while in the throws of teenage passion, I let one go between the sheets. I think I might have tried to not let it escape, you know, I kind of pulled the sheets tight, hoping it wouldn't sneak out.. And it was silent and oh so deadly.. and soon enough the smell came up to say hello, and kill the mood and cause quite an argument about who let that one go. I actually denied it and insisted that it must have been him. I lost that argument..
Once my friend was at her chiropractors getting an adjustment when she was 6 months pregnant. They had her laying face down (I think) And the poor girl couldn't hold it in. I think she said he was cute too, and told her not to worry that it happens all the time. I'm not sure if she went back to him. You know that he'd always remember that moment. Even if everyone does it "all the time" you still remember!
During the birth of my 2nd son one of my worst fears became realized at about 4 am. After 2 epidurals and 21 hours of labor, the nurse had me lay on my side, hold my knees, and try pushing that way. I'm sure this had nothing to do with the position, but I let one go, and man, it was the loudest, longest fart I think I had ever witnessed. My husband, who has been known to go on line and listen to different fart sounds didn't even blink. I'm sure he was concerned about how I would handle him laughing at me during such a difficult time. But I laughed out loud, apologized, and continued pushing.. Childbirth is not about being delicate, or trying to maintain your dignity.
Recently, like the other day, I was blowing up an inner tube for my son, and one just escaped yet again. This time my husband did not hold back, and did not try to spare my feelings.. Yea, it was funny. My kids thought so too. I've got them trained to fart on demand! That's going to come in handy when they're a bit older and having sleepovers.. Nothing funnier than a pull my finger at a boys sleepover..right??