Poop...

What's funnier than poop? Not much, that is unless you're a poop-a-phobe, then there's nothing grosser. I guess these stories aren't for the weak stomached.. but I just love a good poop story.. Naked time in my house has always been something the kids enjoy (and when I say "naked time", I mean the kids are naked, not us, K?) So, when my youngest was 18 months or so, he was doing his usual running around naked, letting it fly, enjoying the freedom of no diaper. I had my hands full changing a diaper of a baby I was caring for, so letting him cruise around naked at that point of the day was not the smartest move on my part.. for sure! But I just happened to catch out of the corner of my eye, my son squatting on the fireplace hearth. Before I could do anything about it, he had already made a nice pile of pooh right there for everyone to see! And smell.. yuck. At least he did it on a surface that was easy to clean..not like the carpet.. which thankfully has only been pooped on my friends dog, and she didn't so much poop on it as just drag her ass over it! Lovely..
So, pretty much anytime your kids are naked, you're essentially asking for trouble. But they have to take baths right? And putting a diaper on them for that wouldn't be too smart, so you don't even think about it.. that is of course until the first time that your kid has an accident in the tub. That's a messy mess! If your lucky, it'll come out in nice logs, or at least marble size little pellets. If God is playing a joke on you, or karma has come back to bite you in the ass, then you're going to get diarrhea, lots of it, and you're not going to notice it until your kids are screaming and flinging it at each other because you're too busy reading this really good book! Yea, that's right!
Are you all grossed out yet? There's more! How about teaching your 5 year old to wipe his own butt! He might as well not even use toilet paper because it only ever gets on his hands! Which reminds me of another story. About a year ago when my oldest was 4, he came up to me and said "Mom, smell my finger, what is that?" Never smell a finger, it's only going to be disgusting. But of course I do because he's my kid, and as a parent you have to smell pretty much anything they ask you to smell. So, course it smells like shit, and I ask him where did he put his finger.. and he so nonchalantly says "in my bum" Hmm.. He's starting to discover his body..which holes smell and which don't!
Well, I think I've said enough about poop, but don't think that's the end of my stories.. I'm sure I could tell a million more.. maybe someday I will!!