Friday, June 09, 2006

Abandoned..

This is how I felt when I woke up last night at 3 am. Not because I was actually abandoned, but because I had my o.b. appt. yesterday, and I was scheduled for several f/u appts and couldn't get one with my own ob until the end of July.. which by the way, is when I plan on having these puppies..
Anyway, I haven't seen my own dr. in a month, and basically, I just felt like I needed to touch base with her, and go over things. She's delivered both my boys, and has been my dr for 6 years. I'm going to start having to get checked for dilation soon, and honestly, I don't need a bunch of strange hands kanoodling in my privates.. ya know?
My dr is very busy, I get it. And I'm certainly not placing any blame on her, it's the staff at the office that is having a hard time understanding why it's important for me to see my own dr every so often. So, at 3 this morning, when I couldn't sleep, and when it's quiet, and my brain won't turn off, I just started thinking about a lot of stuff.. Like the reality of having 4 kids.. holy shit.. it's really going to happen. I honestly haven't given this much thought. I know how ridiculous that sounds. I think I've just been in a sort of denial, a fog really. I know that I'm having twins, and that life is going to become busier than I ever thought possible, but when I'm awake at 3 in the morning, alone with my own thoughts.. it can get scary!
I felt differently when I woke up this morning. I had already decided sometime in the night that I was going to have to call my dr's office and insist that I see my own dr at my next visit. I was going to have to be assertive (not one of my stronger traits) When I called, and gave my schpiel to the girl on the phone, it took less than 5 seconds for her to find an appointment for me. There must have been a cancellation.. whatever, I was relieved nonetheless.
The morning also gave me a new outlook on what life is going to be like with twins. It'll be crazy, and chaotic, but it's also going to be fun. Getting to know these little monsters inside of me (and I say that with love, but man sometimes they feel like they've got weapons in there, or are having little cat fights.. not so fun) Everything works out. That's what I'm banking on!!

1 comment:

christhadasister said...

Everything does work out and I'm glad you called and got an appt with your own dr, even if you didn't have to put up a stink.. And I know all about those sleepless nights worrying about the impending arrival of your new baby(ies)- granted mine was about sheetrock and holes in the floor and I only had to worry about one baby falling through it, but none the less, those 3 am insomnia-full moments suck! Hang in there- you're going to do great! I can't imagine anyone doing a better job than you're about to do!