Yesterday my son had his very first field trip to Applecrest. I got the note a couple of weeks ago, and saw a rather modest list of parent chaperones. It was a crazy day for me, with 3 kids.. and there was just no way I could chaperone. He was fine with it, despite what my mom kept saying. She asked if she could go.. which I said no to. I would like to accompany him for the first time, even if it's not going to be the first trip for him. I mean come on.. I'm the mom here, right??
So, he had a great time yesterday, and brought home a bunch of apples (which he refuses to eat..) Last night, however, right before bedtime, he starts sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked him what was wrong, he asks me in this quivering voice, why I didn't go on the field trip with him. It broke my heart.. I told him that I couldn't have brought all the babies with me, to which he responded that I could have because I had a car seat for everyone. ugh.. more heart break.. I asked him if everyone else had a parent there, and he said yes.. I'm not sure if that's a hundred percent true.. I'm not sure if he just wasn't over tired, started thinking about his day without me there.. I'm not sure. The only thing I was sure of is that I felt like a total ass! Who misses their kids first field trip? And why didn't I give it more thought, and try to rearrange my schedule?? Am I so against anything my mother says to me, that I was just doing it to prove her wrong.. that he'd be ok without me going?? Ugh!
I've promised him that I'll be there for the next field trip, no matter what. I hate making promises like that.. not that I'm afraid that I'll break them, but because a promise to your kid like that is always an attempt at making up for something.. something I thought was reserved for kids of divorce.. but I guess it's reserved for domestic goddesses too.. I'm such an idiot!